L.A. Story, Part 5: "May I Ask One More Question?"

So where was I? I mean, besides Los Angeles, at the Morning Musume show... Oh, that *was* where I left off.

After the show we geared up for the Hello!Party and I was so looking forward to presenting 'Boogie Train '03' in karaoke form. Unfortunately my voice was pretty well shot for the rest of the week from yelling at the Chinese girls, just to piss off CFB. Just kidding, I did a lot of yelling at the show (often at more appropriate times) and I would have ruined that song in my state.

So as luck would have it, I didn't get a chance to do that song, nor the repetitive 'Ramutara' as a duet with Lampshade. Either one would have been fun. But as the evening quickly wore on, I knew that karaoke time was almost over. So the last selection was 'Monkey Dance', a 5-minute romp brought to you by a guy who couldn't sing. Maybe he'd just blown his voice out, too.

Before that, there was a trivia game where the last question went as follows: "On Fujimoto Miki's 'Futarigoto' episode, she drew a picture of a poodle and was quite impressed with her artistic abilities. Draw a poodle the way she did." Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is not a real trivia question. Might make for a fun game of some sort but really, there's no "answer" to this. The closest recreation of that quickly-drawn "dog" won. (For all the outsiders, I'm not going to explain who Miki is, nor lay out the premise of 'Futarigoto', but if you'd seen it, you'd know.)

Another fun game-turned-snafu was the "guess the song" game, where two teams raced each other to identify a song based on its opening strains. The problem with this is that a number of songs take a little while to get started. Such was the case, in particular, for the song "Rainbow Pink", which starts as a fade-in dialogue between Shige & Koha. Only those of us who've heard the song ten million times would be able to identify it from the first few seconds... apparently, many others had, because the correct answer was quickly given. Lots of people claimed to have not heard anything at all, as if it was some act of telepathy on the contestants' part.

I only ended up seeing one round of the 'dangling game', and I think that was the one-and-only round. What made it all the more interesting is that the item being dangled was hard to identify even if you *could* see it: a peeled coconut. As the contestants were not shrieky idols like the Musume can be, they calmly let the stagehands bonk them in the head with a dangling coconut, but were just as confused as we were.

As it turns out, I spent a decent amount of time in the bar upstairs because I have a half-track mind. We talked to a middle-aged guy who looked quite comfortable hanging out at the bar, and he said something like, "yanevrbablt' unerstndnirshmn?" So I stared at Matt until Matt finally told me, 'he says he's from Ireland'. So at least then I knew what I was listening for, and communicating became a little easier. He could understand *me* perfectly, though. But he'd also had a number of drinks called "A.M.F.'s" which stands for "Adios, [two-word expression not repeatable on television]". It's a drink that contains, like, 500% alcohol and comes in electric blue (like Windex). It also tastes like Windex, and I would know, because I drink a glass of Windex every night. (The joke is that I'd never have to clean the glass.) This was the same drink that the Big Guy from Vegas was downing by the gallon a couple of nights before, in a completely different bar. So now I know what the 'in' drink is, or at least how to get plastered in a hurry.

The thing that impressed me most about the Hello!Party was Matt dancing up a storm when the moment called for it. Sorry, you just didn't seem like the type (and even now, you still don't seem like the type) to just get up and dance like a crazy person, albeit very well.

I got outta there before the wotagei segment started. After being bowled over by Matt's dancing, and feeling like a fish out-of-water for all the miscues I had during the actual concert, I *knew* that I'd look like a stick in the mud just sitting there while everyone (with knowledge) would be sweating like crazy.

They would *of course* be presenting Fujimoto's 'Romantic Ukare Mode'. I understand that this song is, like, *the* wota song. But even as I listen to it while I write this, I'm still not sure why this song became the 'wet dream' for all those wota to focus on. Someone want to fill me in?

Well, the next day we headed down to LACC to catch the small (but important) Tsunku Q&A session, transcribed here (thanks for doing this, maiZe!) If there was ever a chance to get the straight dope on H!P, Tsunku was the guy to ask. I thought that most of the questions were really good, and Tsunku gave fairly good answers, very calm and calculated, as one would expect from a guy who's held the entertainment world by its ears for over a decade.

I've got to pull apart a couple of his answers, because I'm reading this transcript and scratching my head in a couple of places. For anyone who wasn't there, this transcript is very accurate. As I read it, I'm reminded of what I was thinking while he gave those answers; again, most of them were very thoughtful and insightful, it's just a couple of things that make me wonder.

First, he said, "...rhythm is something that hasn’t really been valued in Japanese culture and Japanese music and that is something that I stepped into."

Historically, maybe the Japanese as a whole do not value rhythm over other musical qualities. Their folk music certainly depends on other aesthetics. They certainly weren't at the forefront of rock n' roll or hip-hop as each respectively came into the mainstream. But has this guy ever heard of a thing called taiko? I'm fairly sure that there's a strong element of rhythm in that. Plus, in my experience with Jpop, I've never once thought, "these people really need to learn about a thing called 'rhythm'". Even Ms. Kayo Aiko with her two left feet can throw down on some serious groove. SPEED was doing it before that. Pink Lady and the Peanuts had some pretty good rhythm as well. So, I suppose he can say he 'stepped into' something, but a commanding-leadership-of-the-committee-to-reinforce-rhythm-on-behalf-of-a-nation? Admit that you've had some help, Mr. Tsunku, and a great weight will be lifted from your shoulders.

The other thing I had trouble digesting was this fun quote: "When ["How Do You Like Japan?"] started, I could tell that the audience was really excited. I liked how there were some audience members who thought they already figured out what kind of songs Morning Musume was going to be singing and they were about to leave the concert, but when “How Do You Like Japan?” started they turned around and came back."

This is straight out of Tsunku's fantasy world, and it DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. First, if there actually *were* people leaving during the concert which lasted an hour and a half, I don't want to know who those people are. They certainly weren't sitting in our section. I mean, even when the concert was over, we refused to leave until they threatened to remove us with deadly force. I saw no one leaving in disappointment, and if they did, and if anyone figures out who those people were, I promise them a good severe beating with glowsticks.

Second, if even *one* person showed up to the concert thinking, "I'm going to leave if all they do are the 'hits'", they came for the wrong reason. They could have done "Love Machine" 30 times in a row and even the most casual fan would have stayed. No one went with the sole purpose of criticizing the setlist as the "same ol', same ol'" because whatever song they were singing was effectively the first time they sang the song on American soil. Casual fans would have stuck around to see that.

Last, even the most fickle fairweather fan in attendance for that concert wouldn't have had a thought process like this. "Aw, cripes, 'Love Machine'???? You've got to be kidding me! That's it, I'm leaving; I was expecting to hear songs that I've never heard before... Holy shit, is this 'How Do You Like Japan'? I love this song; I've never heard it before! I think I'll stay!"

Besides Tsunku's version of perhaps a different show than the one we attended, another WTF factor was thrown in by some of the people who were lucky enough to ask a question. I'm speaking, of course, about the people who just couldn't understand that they were one of *many* in attendance, and that the rules didn't seem to apply to them when it came to asking Mr. Tsunku a question.

So, we could have gotten a few more questions in, had most of the questioners saved their gushing for a more appropriate time. Here you are, you get a chance to ask a decent question to a decent guy, and most questions started with something like, "Let me just say what an honor this is, and I'm a huge fan, and you're like a god to me... So, my question is..."

Yeah, yeah, we all respect the guy and think he's just friggin' awesome. I get it. Some of us flew across the country, and around the world, just to see his group and get a chance to ask him a question. So ask him the question and don't waste his, yours, or my time explaining the obvious... was it too much to ask?

Next, some people who even got the chance to ask him a question would hear the answer and then ask, "May I ask one more question?" Uh, that *itself* is a question. You've had two questions, now, so no. NEXT? "Just one more question?" Yet another question, that's three, so again, no. When the translator-lady needs to remind you that you aren't the *only* person in line, you've gone too far. Let others have a chance. Seriously, what's your deal?

Overall, though, the session was very relaxed and very inspiring. But if I could have asked a couple of questions of "the man" himself, I would have asked:

1.) What's your songwriting process? What inspires you to write any given song? On what instrument do you normally compose the chord progressions? Do you record a demo tape or write out the sheet music? At what point do you decide you have a core idea, when do you pass it along to an arranger, and how much of the finished product do you actually create?

2.) How do you prepare yourself for recording sessions for songs where your incidental vocals appear in Morning Musume's songs, et al? Like when C-ute recorded "LA LA LA Shiawase no Uta", did you just *know* that the song wouldn't be complete without you saying "Oh YAY!" over the breakbeats?

...Stuff like that. For me, it's all about the music. If the music was crap, I'd have focused my attention on something else a long time ago. But the winning combination for Morning Musume has been beauty, character, and as well, music with integrity. And the fact that the writing comes mainly from *one* guy... that's a tough act to follow.

After that, I spent a mostly free Saturday on my own in L.A., but I headed down to the Convention Center after returning to the hotel and finding Tom's key-card on the desk. I thought he'd want it back... plus, I hadn't yet bought any CD's from the H!P booth, and thought I'd kill two birds with one stone.

Never did find Tom, but when I approached the H!P booth, the gentleman working there asked me, "can I help you?" My response was, "yes, I'd like *one* of these, *two* of these, and *one* of these, please..." Well I never saw a person go from zero to sixty so fast in my life. I know that they'd been slugging it out for two-and-a-half days, and when it rained, it poured. At that point, they'd sold the lion's share, and very few people were approaching the booth with any intention to buy by the time Saturday rolled around. So my willingness to buy, coupled with not-another-person-asking, 'where can I get an autograph?' really turned this guy back into a salesman.

As far as autographs went, Saturday was apparently the day to do it, as all the people who were promised them but hadn't yet got them were to be fulfilled that day. I spent a bit of time with some familiar faces as they waited for the queue to form. Unfortunately, like most other AX events, they hadn't decided the proper way to do this until it was actually happening. So they were *actively* shooing people away from the queueing area to cover up for their own lack-of-planning, and might I say it was straight-up annoying... and I wasn't even there to get an autograph, just to hang out with the people who *were*.

So the autograph-seekers spent time at nearby booths, feigning interest in their wares, waiting for some official signal for the line to form. If the powers-that-be would have just started a line, all the autograph-seekers would have queued respectfully and not caused a problem. Instead, AX saw to it that anyone who was trying to queue up peaceably became a troublemaker, a sort-of "stay off-a my grass" mentality that didn't sit well with this otherwise-introspective group.

I took my CD purchases back to the hotel with me and stopped off at California Pizza Kitchen on the way. I sat at the bar and enjoyed a Southwest Chicken Pizza, which came with a bullet of each: salsa, guac, and sour cream. Knowing that I didn't want to keep just *one* piece in the hotel fridge, (I can't believe) I ate the whole thing. The bartender there was a kindly Asian man who dealt with a couple of customers, who (keeping in mind it was, like, 2PM on a Saturday) ran down the list of alcoholic beverages, only to find that they had an extremely limited bar. One of them asked the bartender how to get a job as an L.A. bartender, and I presume that the fellow was working on a script.

The television there was tuned to some football-like tourrnament; and the Asian bartender, as well as the Hispanic chef, collectively asked me what sport was being played. I told them that it was either rugby, or Australian football, but I wasn't sure which. Turns out it was rugby, but I felt like the most-knowledgable person on the planet for a minute-or-so.

Back to the autographs, then. By that point I hadn't seen an autograph ticket, nor dedicated myself to spending umpteen hours waiting for one. Forgive my holier-than-thou attitude on this point, but I've just got to clarify...

I did not fly from Iowa to California just to get an autograph. My whole purpose was to see the show and support the group. And I'd done so by that point. My take on celebrity seems quite different from a lot of people. It's all well and good to show up to a venue, get one's kicks by seeing one's favorite celebrity in the flesh, and take some pleasure from it. I also understand -- I'm not being disparaging to those who *did* get autographs -- the desire to get an autograph. But I just didn't feel it was my place to force the girls to give me a tangible piece of themselves.

I'm told that the autograph session was performed very hurriedly, and although it was a chance to see them up-close and get a brief moment alone with each of them, I'm glad I stayed away from the occasion. I returned home with a renewed sense of respect for the girls as performers, and I'm not sure I'd have taken away the same impression had I been one-of-many who was forcing them to sign-sign-sign, and be done with it. I kept my distance, and (in my opinion) did not cheapen the long-distance bond that we've had for some time. You may see it differently. Hey, that's cool...

Last, a few unrelated pictures... first, a view of downtown from the venue:

The "I Don't Know Why I Shot This" view of West L.A. from the hotel hallway (dig the backed-up freeway)...

And lastly, the "Holy Crap, I can see the HOLLYWOOD sign from here" shot, with Griffith Observatory being the next-most-prominent landmark from the far-left...