Blasphemy!

Another impossibly-long rant. (Pause to dust off soapbox.)

After returning from Los Angeles I felt a bit burned out on the whole Jpop thing, so I've been listening to a wide variety of music since then. Mainly, my new favorite form of music has turned out to be "post-war optimism" stuff like Guy Lombardo and Les Paul. I'll sneak the occasional Aiko/Mi-chan/Perfume songs in just to be fair, but as far as new-era Morning Musume is concerned, I'll be back to it in a while.

I ran out of the Hello!Party for a short while to avoid hearing a karaoke version of "Yume no Naka", from the very first Morning Musume album. Apologies to whoever that was, but I don't care if you're the reincarnation of Karen Carpenter; that song is just sacred in so many ways. So I got the urge to listen to that song a couple days ago and played the whole album for good measure, what the hell...


In many ways, the latest incarnation of Morning Musume is like Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos; they didn't exist a while back, and they're really good. By comparison, 'old-school' Musume is like the Cool Ranch Doritos we were downing by the metric ton in the '80s. It just felt right. My point with this admittedly goofy analogy is that, to be sure, what we saw at AX was certainly the same brand of Morning Musume, but what we saw was certainly not the same group it was 11 years ago. I know what you're thinking, it's not the same members, but there's more to it than just who's holding down the stage.

With the exception of "3, 2, 1 Breakin' Out" and maybe a couple of others, they've abandoned group harmonies in favor of a more powerful lead vocal style. The group has gone from the old-school cool harmonies to balls-out chaos (think 'Koko ni Iruzee!') to uber-cuteness (like 'Ai Araba...' and 'Mikan'). It's taken them this long to get back to a more mature, dare I say 'sexy' style with 'Shouganai Yume Oibito'. And I place the blame squarely on the 4th Gen.

Look at the numbers. Musume recruits Goto Maki, the world's head explodes, and Love Machine/Koi no Dance Site sell a collective 400 billion copies. Then comes the 4th Gen to KILL THEIR SALES. As much as I love them, once you bring in Rika, all the girls in the audience turn their attention elsewhere, then the crazy man-fans show up and take over the place.

To be fair, I'm pretty sure that Yossie has kept a lot of girls in the buying mood. Ladies, I'm not suggesting that you're *that way* but it's pretty obvious that the chicks dig Yossie, so don't freak out on me yet. She did what she could.

Aibon and Nono were good role models for girls for about eight weeks or so, until (as I've discussed) they decided to *not* be role models and just do whatever-the-hell.

It was Tsunku who took the group in the direction they went, who went for the male demographic overall and decided to stop catering to more feminine tastes. And suddenly, in place of the original group is this over-caffeinated group who's bouncing off the walls instead of paying tribute to the jazz masters of old. Maybe it's Ichii Sayaka's fault.


Sayaka (who, if I'm not mistaken, was referred to as "Kaa-san" by the other members) should never have left. Watch for her in old concerts, she's got soul (*and* she's super-bad!) She certainly looked and acted more like a grown-up than any of the current members, and for whatever reason, when she left it allowed the Nacchi's and Rika's to take over and wreck up the place. Observe, then, the cover of the second Morning Musume album with most of the old-school members:


Notice anything? Like the fact that they're not wearing any makeup? If I was a record-buyer of the female persuasion I'd be thinking to myself, these girls are bold. They're not afraid to be their true selves. And despite it all, yes, they're still really pretty. Would you expect the same kind of attitude from the group now?


Uh, don't hold your breath. And it's not that I don't like what they've become, far from it. But as I'm listening to the Kaa-san era albums, there's no mental connection, no spark in my brain that says "this is the group I saw". But you know what? Technically, this *was* the group I saw, where the name and the forces behind it are the exact same. Beyond that, it ain't selling quite as well these days as Love Machine did. The audience has shrunk. Where did all those women go?

What makes a hit record? Let's look at some contemporaries. SPEED, in some two-and-a-half years, sold enough records that when Morning Musume finally surpassed them it was a bona-fide ACCOMPLISHMENT. Women bought the hell out of those SPEED records because they didn't stray from the formula that made them big in the first place. Look hot, look cool, and you've got buyers on both sides of the aisle.

The Beatles sure sold a lot of records, just as many (if not more) to women who were totally after them like stalkers. It was their wide appeal in songwriting and general aloofness that gave them mystique. People bought their records in the hope of unravelling some of that enigma, and to this day it's still intangible in many ways. They're *still* selling records, forty years after they broke up.

And the greatest-selling record of all-time? Thriller. Why? Young, old, black, white, male, female... it doesn't matter, that record broke so many boundaries and has an appeal to almost any buyer on the planet.

Back to Morning Musume, July 2009. They're raking in the cash, they're arguably more successful than ever; but their goal should be nothing short of world-domination, to be the talent behind the as-yet-unnamed greatest-selling record of all time. One that makes Thriller look like some slip of the world consciousness before we all started buying really good music.

They *can*. But all this motto-kawaii-ness is keeping a few people from buying into the hype. It's time to get *real* again, and they're headed in that direction, it seems, so keep your fingers crossed. Before long, they'll each have a zoo and a theme park in their back yards, if they can remember how to keep everyone's attention. "Yume no Naka", indeed.

Last order of blasphemy is this: as far as every Japanese girl, famous or not (as I've heard) wants to be blonde and Pam Anderson-esque... again, let's get real. Every one of them in their current state, be they Kayo Aiko, Nagasawa Nao, Saito Michi, Hoshii Nanase, the Morning Musume's, the girls from SPEED (especially Hiro, no question) is cooler than I could ever hope to be. I'm just buying records, trying to unravel some of that enigma.

I'm Back From L.A.

It's been a bit, but I'm preparing for a couple of ultra-long posts. Everyone so far has done a post of their experiences while in Los Angeles, and I've seen a lot of them; you should believe what they're saying. I haven't seen any inaccuracies.

I was lucky enough to get tickets in seventh row, center. Could see each of them perfectly. And as I found out, I'm more of a casual fan.

As far as the great seats at the show, I'd like to thank Matt_D for sharing his experience with my n00b-ness, Lampshade for being so GD organized for the ordeal, and Mozenator for being there in line behind the "guy who knew everybody", and for just generally being a cool guy, passing the time.

*Never* would have been so close to the stage without you guys. An experience I'll never forget. You're always welcome, if you decide that Iowa is a good place to go, which it's not.

Yeah, I'm fuckin' genki...

-jyoru

I'm off to L.A.

Our good brother Tom informs us that he is alive and well in Los Angeles. So, it's my turn to make my way out there and see this US Morning Musume concert with my own two eyes.


Expect updates here and when I get back, you'll have updates coming out your ears. Anime Expo 2009 (with guests of honor Morning Musume), here I come... look out!

If I make it to the AX Idol finals I'll get to sing to Tsunku. If I don't, I'll be able to lose my voice at the Morning Musume concert/karaoke at Hello!Party; and perhaps miss the last signing of the Expo. I'm so torn...

"We respecto you, James Burown-do." -Kago Ai.

Til then, stay frosty.

-Jyoru, 6/29/2009

(Part Two) Kayo Aiko's Ninth Single

Let's get to unravelling the mysteries of this video, shall we? I believe that many answers to the meaning of life are buried within. Click on a frame to see a larger, better picture (but you already knew that...).


Begin the video with, appropriately enough, some cloud art with the name of our star. Although the correct romanization of her name is either Kayou or Kayō, I've always preferred the 4x4 'Aiko Kayo'. It's really a matter of opinion, I suppose, but then again, Avex never used anything different.


Aiko comes out from behind a tree and a man in a stuffed bear costume (arm visible here) onto the waiting stage.


Aiko proceeds to rock you house, while the timid bear hides in the background.



Closeup of Aiko, where she mostly stares into the camera, except for one moment (shown above) where something distracts her. Maybe the caterer had just arrived, I don't know. Far from being disappointed with the fact that the editors left this 'error' in the final version, I just think it's awful cute, for whatever reason.


Aiko runs back to the bear and says, 'hey, we're filming a video, stop being shy and get your happy ass out here!'


Inexplicably, out come the cheerleaders (I mean, thanks, but why?) and the first one actually knocks the 'Kayo Aiko' sign about with her pom-poms. I don't think that was supposed to happen, but they left it in the video, nonetheless. If you think of the sign as the 'real' Aiko Kayo, then in reality, Aiko is being assaulted by a cheerleading squad, and now (understandably) your psychiatrist is seeing dollar signs.

The second verse is omitted from most youTube versions but this portion of the video *does* exist. For anyone who's only the seen the streaming version, here's another reason to buy the DVD versions of either 'Hold on to love' or 'Dolce'.


Two characters sit on a bench which wasn't there just a minute ago. For some reason she begins to assault him, going so far as to beat on him with his own hat. My research indicates that these two have a radio show in real life, but their names and the show are as yet unknown to me. But if you lived in Japan, you might have heard of them.


Aiko catches wind of the situation after singing for another minute while the beating goes on (thank goodness that lady doesn't have a knife) and runs over to chastise them in song.


Aiko is successful in getting the two to put aside their differences, and the hat resumes its use as a hat. Aiko looks more than a little proud of herself as she thinks about enrolling in a police program for abuse intervention.


Pure pandemonium as the cheerleaders, the bench couple, the dancing bear, and Aiko continue with the song.


Then, the bench guy reaches down to grab his hat which had been absent since the start of the chorus. Another thing that they probably just left in for no reason, but we never see why it fell off. Last we knew it was back on his head, but as he's reaching for it we're thinking 'that's right, he *was* wearing a hat...' Shows you the power of the hat lobbyists; they made sure it got adequate screen time. Kudos to Aiko's outfit, btw.


Night falls and Aiko is alone as the song winds down for the bridge. This is where the youTube videos cut to instead of showing the second verse.


Although they haven't yet become important to the video as of yet, here's the first appearance of a set-wrangler without his veil, and they dress in all-black, cover their faces, move the set around, and generally look like beekeepers. They will play on this similarity in just a moment. For now, my advice: whatever this guy says, do *not* go behind the tree with him. Your life will never be the same.



The 'beekeepers' come out and start moving every part of the stage around, even going so far as moving the bench while the couple still sits on it.



Yes, they may be set-wranglers but they look like beekeepers, and they know it. One of them does a single clap along with the beat, pretending to kill a fly (or perhaps a rabid bee).


So again, a scene of pandemonium. The cheerleaders, the beekeepers, the couple on the bench, the dancing bear, and Aiko, who's a-beboppin' and scattin' out the song's chorus.



High kicks and twirls from the cheerleaders, so we can get a few panty shots in this video. You're welcome, boys and girls.


As the song comes to a close, all of us, as brothers and sisters, dance together... the bench couple, the cheerleaders, Aiko, the dancing bear, and the 'beekeepers'.


Not usually shown in the youTube versions, Aiko mouths a distinctive 'arigatou gozaimashita' at the end. You're welcome, Ms. Kayo... I should say, 'de nada' so she can understand me in her native tongue.


And for whatever reason, this shot of the set as a whole to conclude the video, for about a second. Now go play Emil Chronicle Online (often shortened to ECO), ya jerks...

It's easy (and probably the most likely explanation) to write this off as a short film of random characters smashed together on a stage, done as amateurly (if that's a word) as possible. But come on, this video is random FTW. Let's see if it gets any deeper than that.

For starters, it seems that Aiko Kayo (in cloud form) is the 'real' Aiko Kayo, not the girl in the funny hat who sings. Constantly, omnipotently, it stalwartly looks down upon us and loves us for who we are.

The bear, in actuality a character from ECO, is us... it represents what most of us would do if our lives were confronted with a sexy singing pink witch, a couple fighting on a bench, cheerleaders, and beekeepers. We'd totally hide behind the tree, in this sense; but in a real sense, they're made out of cardboard, so no real protection at all.

The cheerleaders, in my opinion, represent morality, for they continue on despite adversity. People moving your cardboard set around? 'Yeah, keep going despite all!'

The couple on the bench, well, we've all been there before. Some woman hits you with your own hat, and eventually a sexy Japanese girl will tell her to stop, and you shall continue the possession of your hat as a hat, and not as a blunt object, even if it falls off inexplicably and you must pick it up from the ground.

The 'beekeepers', well, they're just a-damn moving everything in sight for their own pleasure. It's not a stretch of the imagination to envision them as the adverse forces in our lives. If/when they stop to kill a bee-gone-wrong, move your set-pieces back to their original location, it's not hard. After all, they're not portrayed as the smart ones in this video.

Lastly, it's Aiko herself (all-woman, I don't need further research) whose role is shrouded in mystery. If the 'cloud art' is indeed the 'real' Aiko Kayo, then who is this before us? She merely sings the song, looks hotter than your girlfriend (sorry, y'all), dances, and breaks up fights, but only when necessary. How does this fit into your life? She's a sexy pink witch. She's an anamoly. Don't hurt yourself too much thinking about it, but whoever she is, she makes the world a better place, but only when she's there. I imagine that the bench/hat guy would be dead of blunt force trauma if she hadn't intervened. The bench-girl is someone you don't mess with.

There's some... (thinking...)

There's a religious message behind all of this. What could it be?

(Part One) Kayo Aiko's Ninth Single

...was released on January 25, 2006. The title is 'Hold on to love' [capitalization intentional], and the c/w is 'Callin'～ぼくを呼ぶ声～', the Japanese portion is pronounced 'Boku wo Yobu Koe', and can be translated as 'The Voice that Calls Me'.



This song came out about a month before I started listening to Aiko's music, and was the first Japanese song I ever learned, therefore it contains the first Japanese words I knew (besides 'ohayo', 'domo', and 'yume'). It also is slated to hold the distinction of 'the song I sang to Tsunku'. (It's payback for breaking my girl's heart, you big, ingeniously talented meanie!)

I'll just start by discussing the song itself, as the video will take some time to talk about, and I wanna make sure I do it justice. I'm fairly sure that there are some religious implications in that video, you'll see what I'm talking about, next time.

One of the stipulations for choosing a song to sing to Tsunku is that the song has to be from either an anime or a video game. Well, I'm in luck... 'Hold on to love' was in fact featured as the image song for Emil Chronicle Online, or ECO, a role-playing game of sorts which I don't know much about. I did some prodding around a while back and discovered (via a Spanish-language source) that somehow in the game, you can unlock Aiko's hat from the video, an 'I (heart) Aiko' t-shirt, and what looks to be a special move with Aiko connections (see, the energy coming off the character's hand is heart-shaped). They also give an honor to Aiko's dachshund Cocoa, the dog she holds atop her current blog.



Aiko and I will probably have another thing in common after the Anime Expo is said and done: we'd both have been overlooked by Tsunku in some capacity. (I've got REAL talent Simon, I mean... Tsunku; you don't know what you're talking about! I'm gonna get a record deal and be bigger than all these people! My mom says I'm a star!) Other things that I have in common with Aiko is that we are both humans, we both sing but don't dance very well, and we've both been depressed at some point simply because we can't join Morning Musume. I mean, seriously, it really got me down.

Anyway, the song is a moody but upbeat rock ballad that doesn't exactly fit Aiko's genre, if she has one. If you consider Aiko's genre to be 'Jpop', a word with an intentionally wide meaning, then it's equivalent to admitting that her songs span quite a spectrum and there's not a 'typical' Aiko sound except that all her songs sound good. Typical...

It's almost as if Weezer did the backing track for this song, so melodic and power-chordy; if Rivers Cuomo did a vocal track over the instrumental it wouldn't sound out of place. For a time I even wondered if Rivers and Aiko were romantically involved, as he does have a thing for Japanese girls and in truth married a gal named Kyoko Ito just a few months after this was released. I don't think that Aiko's main lyricist Kenn Kato (more info about this guy, please...) is a pseudonym for Mr. Cuomo, but this song does sound a lot like old-school Weezer.

Speaking of which, here's an awesome video of them performing a song about a Japanese girl, in Japan. Perhaps my most favoritest Weezer song, 'Across the Sea', 'douzo':



So where am I going with this? I don't know, really. There's so much in the video to talk about, so I might have a few more cohesive thoughts at that time. Until then, do some research and find this song (ahem, thanks 'yuffie101') and we'll discuss it in just a little while.

The c/w, a bit more upbeat -- a bit more 'typical' of Ms. Kayo's musical library -- shouldn't be forgotten. Rock-y, with plenty of synth sound, and marking the return of the really-into-it backup singers (last appearance: 'ring!Ring!!RING!!!'). In my opinion, not the best Aiko song ever, but adds a nice 5 minutes to her catalog. Typical...